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A rotting upstairs room; damp wood and corrugated iron; dark colours run into each other; litter, maybe blood; empty for years; a figure in the window-light.
   “My name is Drazen, and I know how to manipulate people like you.
   “I walk around, I pass you in the street, I think what I like; all the time the universe continues to spin around the axel that is me.
   “Egocentric? Healthy. Why shouldn’t the world be my oyster, for me at my will to suck out its core and consume it when I’m not hungry? Do I see a moral code engraved in adamantine stone held high for all to see? Do I see an almighty God that would flicker an eyelash about what I do?
   “What I do see is straight through you.
   “You are bound in chains. Chains cover your eyes and your very senses and mind. What you look at filters through these chains, and much is never seen. What you do has to pass out through these chains, and much is never done.
   “I have no chains.
   “But you would never know. I know how to manipulate people, but I don’t. You are my only proof, right? The chains are chains for the mind, not the body. On the surface I am Drazen: a normal guy who talks and acts normally. Nothing about me is outstanding. It is only the inaudible, unexpressed, inside voice that distinguishes me from you. For years this has been only mind; today it is body.
   “Outside I laugh and inside I cry; outside I wretch, but inside I savour; you may call me your friend if you please, but only I will know whether you’re right.
   “Right now I’m where no one will find me, and I stare through the shattered windows down onto the distantly passing public. Right now you are sitting down and reading – get a life! Hmm… hmm… I stare about and see shoppers, shopkeepers, friends, adults, teenagers, children. Children like you, my dear! Notice the way that I list them, it’s like I’m observing them from a higher plane, see? Do you understand?”
   With a bang the door burst open.
   “Freeze! Put your hands behind your head and turn around – slowly!”
   Drazen was so frightened that he could hardly think. He stood there like a shrivelled fish out of water. A policeman had to forcefully turn him around. A second ripped the gun from his hand. He didn’t resist. A third rescued the weeping girl in the corner. Drazen had shot her mother, then sat her down there and instructed her to read an unpublished book he’d written, whilst he went on with his self-absorbed monologue.
   He was defeated, disempowered, disgraced, and though he didn’t see it, his pretences had been obliterated. But they were not taken from his inaudible, unexpressed, inside voice.
   “It’s over Drazen!” a policeman shouted.
   Drazen chuckled.
   “Spare us the false amusement,” said another, who then whispered to his colleague, “Anything dangerous?” He received a gesture to say the place was clear.
   “You don’t know me,” said Drazen with menace.
   “Misunderstood genius?” the policeman replied, stepping forwards. “Sorry, don’t understand you.”
   The policemen stormed the room and secured the other hostages. They unchained them then asked if they were okay, whilst two more rapidly handcuffed Drazen and led him out of the room screaming, “You don’t know me!”
   Six months later he’d be executed.
©2005-2009 ~alfakim
:iconalfakim:

Author's Comments

Maybe not the best thing I've ever written but I still quite like it. The 'sequel' to be read after this if you want, is 'Steam Chamber'.

Context:
Have you ever felt you were higher in some way than someone else, but then not called it 'arrogance', but perhaps some kind of 'enlightenment', 'progression', 'clarity' or 'genius'? Ever thought "My God, look at these people." Ever thought you were above something? Like being 'above' computer games, or 'beyond' having a stupid conversation about orange flamingos with heirarchical noses?

Analysis:

Read it first, how many times do I have to say?

Drazen is not as cool and above us all as he makes out. The key pointers to this are the bare fact that he has to tell us (rather the hostages) all this; usually when someone comes to you and says, "Hi, I'm cool," it's because they are trying to solidify it for themselves, they want it to be true, and they think that if they can make someone else agree to it, it will be more so. The final paragraph before the police enter also betrays contradictions in him.
Drazen has never been nasty to anyone. But he has brewed thoughts on the inside about how powerful he could be if he wanted to. His inner ego has expanded massively; he's spent a life telling himself how cool his is within. He takes these hostages to prove it to himself, and he makes the girl read as if he's teaching her.
However he's not that cool - the police stamp on his silly pretences, show how he's no more than an evil genius stock character: they've seen him before, a sociopathic egomaniac.
The "You don't know me!" is particularly relevant. The seperation of mind and outward appearance is key in this piece. What Drazen is getting at is that they can never, ever, even possibly know his inside mind (so for them there's still the remotest possibility that he is a genius), and thus if he keeps reminding them of it, they may yet think twice to themselves before branding him an egomaniac. But he is, and they don't think twice.
Structurally, there's a massive difference between the first half and the second, and the changeover happens literally with a bang. In the first part you have little inkling (hopefully) that Drazen is very much less than is made out. You've just been introduced to him, so there's no reason to think otherwise. But then there's an intrusion in his fantasy (police, law, order), and in the second part, which takes a tone and tense change (and even shifts what you thought the piece was going to be like, hopefully), to signal that truth is being revealed. I hope I tricked you into thinking that the "you" he keeps talking about is in fact you the reader, when as you find out, it's not. Well: it's both.
Drazen is more enchained than his hostages.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconchornyi:
I like it. Especially the dissonance between the two halves of the story, and the way they are broken apart by the door opening.

--
Chornyi
~
A black winter day
No, darker than that
Gloomier than an autumn night

I'm so gothic, I'm not only dead, I'm a f&^*$%# ZOMBIE!
(:zombie:)
Your brain is mine.
:iconloveshaq:
“Outside I laugh and inside I cry; outside I wretch, but inside I savour; you may call me your friend if you please, but only I will know whether you’re right." brilliant :clap: absolutley fucking outstandingly brilliant :handshake: love it :+fav:

dude this is fucking awesome!

--
Encourage Advanced Critique.

~BadReligion-fans

:earth: one love

feel the wave.

No to the NWO!
[link]

end of transmission...
:icontainteh:
Ahhh I was so happy when he was insane and arrested.

Lovely.
:icondougjames21:
once again, a good written peice, that i actually bothered to read :) The character is ace..

--
=AngelicMutiny
:hug:GIVE A DOUG A HUG DAY! 21st of every month:hug:
=AngelicMutiny
:iconskorpian:
This is really good. :D I love the character.

I had to add in an extra word to read this bit though. "What you look at filters through these chains"
Drazen dosen't know himself. :) :orange:

--
Terroristsayswhat.
:fork:
:iconalfakim:
wow, thanks for the fav, and, uh... glad you liked it so much. even more than me, might i add.

--
• "'Thou shalt not' is soon forgotten, but 'Once upon a time' lasts forever." •
:iconalfakim:
mm-hmm. he's a bit self-deluded. thanks for the comment, i'm as surprised as ever (even moreso this time) that anyone liked this.... thanks again

--
• "'Thou shalt not' is soon forgotten, but 'Once upon a time' lasts forever." •
:iconalfakim:
lolksh.. yeh i went for a really short one. thanks for commenting

--
• "'Thou shalt not' is soon forgotten, but 'Once upon a time' lasts forever." •
:iconalfakim:
looooool... yup. i couldnt stand the guy. what a loser. thx for reading

--
• "'Thou shalt not' is soon forgotten, but 'Once upon a time' lasts forever." •

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August 25, 2005
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